How much do you love yourself?

Whoaaaa I really just went there.

Have you ever thought about it? How much do you really love yourself?
Do you love yourself more than your partner?
More than your dog?
How about your kids?

Considering Valentine’s day is today, the hallmark day of love, I thought about these questions. I sat down and thought, how much do I love myself?

So often we get caught up in finding external sources of love. External factors fill the void of love we yearn for in ourselves.

For me personally, this can be seen in the car I drive, the clothes I buy, and sometimes even the types of exercise I partake in. Even something ‘healthy’ like exercise without the right intention can potentially be
coming from a lack of self-love.

A few years ago I asked a mentor of mine why it was so challenging for me to find a partner. He responded with a simple and profound question that has stuck with me since. He asked, “how can you love someone else when you
don’t fully love yourself?”

That question hit me like a ton of bricks. It floored me.

Since that day I have often thought about that question. Especially on a cold day like last night while I was sitting on my couch watching my favorite rom-com (hello Friends with Benefits) by the fire with a glass of organic wine 🙂

One of the best practices we can cultivate is a practice of self-love. I have seen for anyone to heal or optimize their health, this practice is fundamental. Because when we begin to cultivate this deep appreciation for
ourselves, it leads us to consistently make decisions that are beneficial for us.

For example, sometimes if I am deciding what I want to eat for the night I will ask myself this simple question: If I really loved myself what decision would I make?” This simple pause has allowed me to tap into the power that we all have to heal ourselves to consciously make positive decisions. That is where the magic is at.

However, this is a practice. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes in my yoga practice, I can get into a pose with no problem. But the next day that same exact pose is much more difficult. But, as we continue to do the work and show
up, those more challenging poses get easier and easier. Practicing self-love is no different.

As I have progressed on my healing journey I have started to become aware of my own self-talk. And, sometimes I have noticed that just through communication with myself I need to up my self-love game.

“Kolby, how could you screw that free consult up with that prospective patient, she really needs your help?”
“How could you go to the gym looking like that?”
“You are a holistic doctor, how could you drink those glasses of wine last Saturday?”

It has become apparent to me that oftentimes I would never communicate with someone I love the way I communicate with myself.

This aspect of self-awareness has created an opportunity for me to dive into my patterns and find what has been stopping me from truly loving myself. Again, I think this is one of the most pivotal questions when it comes to healing.

As we reflect on this Valentine’s day I hope you can take some time and reflect on that question that my mentor asked me those years ago, “Do you fully love yourself”

Whatever the answer is we can still cultivate a deeper self-love practice. A great podcast that motivated me to continue this practice was one by Aubrey Marcus and Kamal Ravikant.

Check it out here